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January 4, 2010
 
 
THE FED IT DICTIONARY

Announcing: Bisnow "Back to Business Total Schmoozarama." At swanky Park at Fourteenth. Open bar, lavish buffet and networking. Crazy low price $39. SIGN UP.

 
We’re easing back after the long break and having some fun with our first Federal IT Dictionary; it will hopefully refresh your brain with all those fun buzzwords you tried to forget.
 

Did you know dictionary maven Noah Webster’s middle name was Bisnow?

 

Acronyms – No one loves acronyms more than the federal government. For example: The DoD CIO told the DHS CAO he wants a NICECAP, and GWACs between DSCMO and GPO to support CONUS. Sadly, we’ve heard someone say this.

Business Cards – Pieces of paper with professional information; usually found in pants pockets, jackets, shoes, back seats of cars, on top of your DVR, by the sink, and next to your children’s bed. They have the ability to multiply rapidly.

Cloud Computing – Wait, someone else is in control of my servers? And they're putting them out near Dulles? Why not just put 'em in Moscow and give the Russkies all my precious data and be done with it?

Enterprise Architecture – What does Frank Lloyd Wright know about my computer. Does I.M. Pei know Drupal?

Apatoff (Legal & Tech) -

Executive Breakfast – We have no interest in the IT needs of the Winchester County School System, but we’d rather eat a $60 breakfast on the company than stale cereal at the house. That, of course, does not count Bisnow events, which are always informative and feature great networking.

Facebook – The company says we can use this at work to collaborate with co-worke...hey, wait a minute, it’s my girlfriend from when I was 15. What’s she up to?

Fed Tech Bisnow – Witty newsletter that sends me way too many pictures of Bob Dinkel. (We’re working on that.)

Green Technology – Design a low-energy, highly efficient data center. Then build it on the last habitat of an endangered species.

CGI - in-text or right ti

Healthcare IT – Using a tablet, your doctor can now forward e-mail jokes while he’s en route to surgery.

IAC, AFCEA, NVTC, TCM, INPUT, TiE - Non-stop food (+) great networking (+) eight billion events = never seeing your family.

IDIQ – A person’s identity combined with their intelligence level. Some prefer the more superficial IDHotnessOnaScaleOfOneToTen

iPhone – Major scientific breakthrough: Silent touchscreen allows more surreptitious checking of email during meetings.

LinkedIn – A social network that makes business executives feel like 3rd graders. “Dear Lockheed Small Business Director, will you be my friend? Check Yes, No, or Maybe.”

This is what it looks like when our military friends wake up.
 

Oh-Dark-Hundred – The time military people wake up to start their day, meaning if you send them an email at 11am, they’re already done for the day. They work the same hours as Batman.

Name tag ribbons – Helps identify important people at events without having to sneak looks at what company they’re with.

Open Bar – Greatest. Words. Ever.

Cash Bar – Worst. Words. Ever.

Recompete – Trying to win business we won five years ago. This makes sense how? Also, if we lose a recompete, we'll likely be fired, so if everything goes right, we'll return to the exact same place we started.

Social Media – Today’s Twitter Trending Topics #TigerWoods, #JimZorn, #BoneheadNorthropEmployeeUploadsTopSecretDocument. Wait, that’s me. Uh-oh.

It’s safe to say Federal IT has been recession-proof this go-around. This is what we assume many of you got for Christmas.

 

Stimulus Package – Recession? Ha! I’m buying a second boat!

Stove Pipes – The thing Santa climbs down.

Veterans Affairs – Money, money, money, money, money, money, money . . .

Virtualization – That’s where I put on those funny glasses and it feels like I’m hang gliding over Napa, right?

 

OK, we’re sure we forgot a couple, so if you think of any goods ones for us to add, email us at techstories@bisnow.com. We’ll return to our regular scheduled programming tomorrow.

 
 
Cardinal (Bird)
Microsoft (7)
Apatoff (Legal & Tech)
CGI
Founder
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