Today marked the breaking point for many New Yorkers who took to the streets today to denounce their mundane everydayness, causing major traffic delays and two recorded drive-by shooting attempts to clear the roads. "Everyday I wake up it's all the same," said Robert Panettini, not trying to hide his distinct New York accent. "My work is the same, my paychecks are the same, even my wife is the same. I want excitement in my life, and I want it now," he protested.
Speculation rages among New York City residents as to the cause of this "Groundhog Day" phenomenon. Some contend it could be an elaborate conspiracy hatched by the remote state of Mauritania to strike at the heart of Americans' lives. "When the last time you heard 'bout Mauritania?" said Brooklyn resident Terrell Jackson, skipping syllables and words due to time constraints. "I ain't never heard nuthin' 'bout no Mauritania. That mean they up to sumthin' man. The gov'ment need to tell 'em what's up, yo."
In Washington, DC, a white house official speaking on condition of anonymity because of the sensitive nature of the subject said the government was studying the possibility deploying weapons of mass distraction.